Royals Predictions Part II

Yesterday, I posted my predictions for the Royals leaders in 2015 while simultaneously insulting the Detroit Tigers several times. Anyone who reads these posts (hi, mom) should be well aware of my disdain for the Tigers, and if you think that it is getting old when I make fun of them, then you can go read someone else’s blog BECAUSE I TRULY ENJOY MOCKING THOSE JERKS.

Anyway, this post contains other predictions for the 2015 Royals, including who I think will replace Nori Aoki in terms of providing the most comedic moments of being hit in the nuts by a baseball. And of course I will take some more shots at the Detroit Tigers, who in 2003 had the WORST SEASON IN THE HISTORY OF THE AMERICAN LEAGUE. If you don’t believe me then please click on this link and prepare to laugh at the hilarity of that team.

Part II:

Most scowls: Wade Davis. I love Wade Davis and that permanently-etched scowl on his face. I love that he did not give up a single home run last year and only gave up 8 earned runs in 72 innings (good for an ERA+ of 399!) and threw a whopping 109 strikeouts. I WOULD BE DEATHLY AFRAID TO FACE HIM AS A BATTER. I bet he eats nails for breakfast. Just look at his face below. Can't you imagine him chomping on some roofing nails?

By the way, how many times do you think Wade Davis will strike out Nick Castellanos and Alex Avila, who combined for 291 strikeouts last year? If I had a genie and 3 wishes, one of the wishes would be to watch Wade Davis strike out those hapless Tiger turds over and over and over and there’s nothing they can do because Wade Davis is amazing. 

Most bases on balls (pitchers versus batters): Pitchers, by far. In 2014, Royals batters only had 380 bases on balls, and Royals pitchers gave up 440 free bases. In comparison, Oakland batters had 586 bases on balls but their pitchers only threw 406. The Royals are notorious for rarely taking a base on balls and new additions Kendrys Morales and Alex Rios do not take many bases on balls either. Be prepared to watch another season filled with Royals batters swinging at 3-0, 3-1 and 3-2 counts. The Tigers rank in the middle of the pack for bases on balls, which is mainly due to players like Nick Castellanos and Alex Avila striking out so much that they never have a chance to take a free base.

Most baseballs to the crotch: Erik Kratz. Who, you ask? Erik Kratz is Salvy Perez’s backup and the only reason I predicted him to replace Nori Aoki as the team’s crotch-catching baseballer is because THE ROYALS DEFENSE IS SO FREAKIN’ GOOD THEY WILL NOT CATCH BASEBALLS IN THEIR CROTCH ANYMORE. And Kratz probably will not play very much meaning if anyone catches it in the crotch, it will be someone highly unlikely to do so. (If you have no idea what I’m talking about see this)

Number of games that Sal Perez will sit out: Less than 15 unless he gets hurt. I know that is a vague answer but we all know how much Ned Yost loves Salvy and how reluctant he is to take him out of a game. And although Erik Kratz is a competent backup, the Royals certainly do not have the luxury of a seemingly endless number of MLB-capable catchers like the Astros (seriously, the Astros have 4 catchers who have caught an MLB game on their roster). Salvy played in 150 games last year and was visibly worn down at the end. Yost needs to be smart and give him some rest. On the same token, hopefully the stupid Tigers keep sending out Alex Avila and his 151 strikeouts to catch for them.  

Best feel-good story of 2015: Mike Moustakas becomes a father a few months into the season (no, I do not know if his wife is actually pregnant) and absolutely tears it up the rest of the year – 20 home runs, 90 RBI’s, and makes everyone forget about his pathetic first 4 years. A second feel-good story would be that Justin Verlander does a Tim Lincecum and absolutely tanks this year, which would be amazing because he will make $28 million in 2015.

Players voted as All Stars: Wade Davis, Eric Hosmer, Lorenzo Cain. Sorry Alex Gordon, you will be left out again because for some idiotic reason people think you are only the 4th best left fielder in the MLB. What a bunch of potato heads amirite?! I don't see Davis regressing at all from last year, and Hosmer and Cain are starting to reach their potential while gaining some national exposure. The Tigers' Miggy Cabrera will probably make his 7th straight All Star game because people in Detroit love pudgy slow guys and will stuff the ballot box for him. BORING. At least the Royals have the decency to have different All Stars each year.

Games played in October: 16. Due to scheduling, the Royals will actually play 4 games in October to end the season. I predict they will earn the Wild Card for a second consecutive year, this time beating the Mariners, then will beat the Indians 3-2 in the ALDS before losing to the Angels in 6 games in the ALCS. I predict the Detroit Tigers will miss the playoffs and cry so many tears that a pipeline will be built from Detroit to California to help reduce their ongoing drought.

Baseball is back today, and even though KC is apparently frozen over right now, we can all rejoice knowing my predictions have a 0.000001% chance of being true, which is enough for me!