Oh to be 25 again! Your body feels great (no back pain!), you can stay up late (and drink 14 beers!), and also wake up early (even after 14 beers!), and you don't have any weird or gross body hairs (everyone has those, right?!).
You might be asking yourself why I care about being 25 and the answer is that Kansas City's own Greatest Quarterback and Amazing Human Being turns 25 today (Sep. 17). So not only is Patrick Mahomes the richest QB of all time, recently engaged to his high school sweetheart (Congrats!), and a Super Bowl MVP, but he is also turning the best age a human can be. Happy Birthday!
To commemorate his birthday and celebrate his life, here are 25 fantastic and completely true facts about Patrick:
25. Patrick can kill two stones with one bird.
24. Patrick can make onions cry.
23. Patrick once bowled a perfect game with a child's marble.
22. Patrick can unscramble an egg.
21. Patrick doesn't use a watch or clock for the time. He tells them what time it should be. This includes the play clock:
20. Patrick can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. In the middle of the night.
19. Patrick has two dogs that are trained to pick up their own poop because Patrick does not take any shit from anyone.
18. Patrick can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best damn lemonade you have ever had.
17. Patrick's computer has no Backspace key since he never makes mistakes.
16. When Bruce Banner is mad, he turns into The Hulk. When The Hulk is mad, he turns into Patrick.
15. Patrick can cut a knife with butter.
14. Patrick was once bitten by a poisonous rattlesnake. After several days of excruciating pain, the rattlesnake died.
13. Paper beats rock which beats scissors, but Patrick beats all three at the same time.
12. Patrick can sneeze with his eyes open.
11. In Spain, people run from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Patrick.
10. If you google "Quarterbacks better than Patrick" there will not be a single result.
9. Patrick can throw a football so hard it travels around the world and hits himself in the back of the head.
8. Someone who is ambidexterous can use their right and left hands equally well. They have to invent a new word for Patrick who can use both hands and both feet equally well:
7. Patrick can order and receive ketchup for his steak at any steakhouse in the entire world, and not a single person would laugh.
6. Patrick got coronavirus. The coronavirus is now being quarantined.
5. Patrick has counted to infinity. Three separate times.
4. Superman owns a pair of Patrick Mahomes pajamas.
3. If you are not wearing football pads, Patrick can throw a football that will hit you so hard it will make your blood bleed.
2. The reason that Raiders, Chargers, and Broncos fans' babies cry is that they know they have been born into a world where Patrick exists and will dominate their team for the next decade.
1. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Patrick can throw Brett Favre over 75 yards.
Happy Birthday Patrick!!!!!!! Today is also one of my best friend's bday today and for the record, Mike you can do most of these too!
