The emasculation of the Tigers

Adios Detroit. Auf wiedersehen kitties. Peace out Motor City. Not only is your reign on the AL Central over, but your manhood was emphatically revoked last night when the Kansas City Royals spanked you so hard that it will leave a mark for weeks. 

Yordano Ventura and Lorenzo Cain led the charge on Detroit. Ventura threw 11 strikeouts for the second consecutive game, getting his 10th win of the season and only allowed 1 run (lowering his ERA to an almost respectable 4.24); Cain smashed a solo home run that has not landed yet and also knocked in 2 runs with a double. It was raining bombs all night as three other Royals hit home runs, including Ben Zobrist, Kendrys Morales, and Cheslor Cuthbert (his first major league home run). Paulo Orlando dropped in with a triple, and new Royal Jonny Gomes ripped a double in his first at bat for KC, all of that resulting in a 12-1 blowout. 

Yet through all of this slugging at the plate, my favorite part of the night was seeing Ventura locked in and dominating the Tigers, once a formidable foe, now simply another pebble on the road to the playoffs. Ventura was throwing 98 MPH all night, even hitting triple digits on a few occasions. At one point, all-star slugger Miguel Cabrera ran up a full count, then Ventura whipped a 99 MPH fastball in the upper corner of the strike zone. Cabrera watched it go by then argued the strike haplessly until he was ejected. What a douche. I wish I had a video of him arguing the call because he was shaking and whining like a baby. A grown man, reduced to tears over a heater in the strike zone. The Tigers are done, caput, finito. They have been emasculated and I have never been happier. 

Yordano Ventura gave Miguel Cabrera a whipping for the ages

That was certainly one of the best games I have watched as a fan. The win was #81 for the Royals, guaranteeing they will finish with at least a .500 record. The Royals go for the series win tonight, then take on the White Sox and Twins to round out this homestand. And before I go, please let me remind you that the Detroit Tigers are in last place. In case you did not fully comprehend that, I will repeat it: THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE.

 Let’s Go Royals.

THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE

I haven’t made a post on here about the Royals in a long time. Two months to be exact. I am not really sure why – I think it had to do with the Royals being so successful that everyone else is writing and blogging about the team, so my words felt pointless given that thousands of other words were being written and shared about the Boys in Blue. 

I watched last night’s game, in which new Royals ace Johnny Cueto gave up hit after hit and allowed 4 runs, which would have been enough to not take a loss had rookie pitcher Miguel Almonte not allowed a 2-run homer that essentially won the game for the Detroit Tigers. Not to mention the home plate umpire was total garbage, seemingly squeezing Cueto with a tiny strike zone and giving Detroit a strike zone as large as Jonathan Broxton. In case you forgot who J-Brox was, HE WEIGHS 310 POUNDS. That is a big strike zone. 

There's fat. And then there's Jonathan Broxton.

Anyway, since my last post on July 1, the Royals have rocketed up the standings, and currently sit in first place, 29 games above .500 with a 12-game lead on the division. It seems almost 100% certain that the Royals will return to the playoffs for the second year in a row. They have not made the postseason in consecutive years since…you guessed it, 1985! They were swept in the ALCS against the Tigers in 1984 before winning it all in 1985. Seems like a good year for a repeat!

The other AL teams in first place are the Toronto Blue Jays and Houston Astros, with the Yankees and Rangers holding the two wild card spots. If the playoffs started today, the Royals would play the winner of the Yankees and Rangers. The Royals record against all of those teams combined is 10-16. Below is a team-by-team breakdown:

Royals vs Toronto: 3-4

Royals vs Houston: 2-4

Royals vs New York: 2-4

Royals vs Texas: 3-4

Barf. I am not incredibly optimistic about the Royals facing any of these teams in the playoffs, even if the Royals have home field advantage. First of all, the Blue Jays, Astros, and Yankees rank 1,2 and 3, respectively, in total home runs hit in all of the MLB (Rangers are #12). The good news is that the Royals have allowed the 8th fewest home runs, but that still scares me.

Secondly, the Blue Jays seem very primed for a deep playoff run after getting David Price and Troy Tulowitzki before the trade deadline. They rank in the top 5 in batting average, RBIs, walks, slugging %, on-base %, OPS and runs scored. The Astros have one of the best pitching staffs in baseball, steal plenty of bases and have 9 players with at least 10 home runs (plus 2 more who have 9 apiece). The Yankees boast 8 players with at least 10 home runs and their pitchers have thrown the 6th most strikeouts in the MLB. Yikes.  That is some tough competition. Here is what the Royals are bringing to the playoffs: the fewest walks, fewest strikeouts, and the second highest batting average. Not a huge list of formidable stats. But somehow they have the best record in the American League. I sure hope my fears are pointless. 

By the way, THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. Let me repeat that for effect: THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE. THE DETROIT TIGERS ARE IN LAST PLACE.

 

No sentence has ever made me as happy. 

Go Roys.