Not Too Shabby

After last night’s loss to the Yankees, I felt it was time for me to chime in again as the Royals seem to have fallen slightly back down to earth. After a scorching period that included going 17-6 in the month of August so far, they have now lost two games in a row for the first time in 26 days. As Ron from the movie Cedar Rapids might say, “NTS: Not too shabby.” 

This is clearly the most exciting time to be a Royals fan since 1985 or 1994 or 2003. Kansas City fans can now legitimately feel that the Royals will win every game and every series and even fight off Detroit to win the AL Central. Forget chasing paper, Jay-Z, we chasing a PENNANT!

Below are some notes as of late:

The Royals are 1.5 games ahead of Detroit. They will need to continue their winning ways in order to stay ahead. Teams like Detroit don’t just fold over, especially since the only chance for an AL Central team to make the playoffs appears to be winning the division as the two wild card berths look like they are going to two teams from the West. 

Kansas City is only one home run behind St. Louis for fewest in baseball. I would prefer to be ahead of the Cardinals in something so I hope Billy Butler and Josh Willingham and start cranking some bombs. They currently have 3 players with 15 home runs, which is nice but the rest of the team needs to step it up. 

Fangraphs has Alex Gordon at 5.6 Wins Against Replacement (WAR), which is 0.1 wins behind Mike Trout and Giancarlo Stanton for best in the MLB. While many people don’t care about WAR, it can be a useful stat, and usually those in the top 5 or so in WAR are included in discussions for MVP. So the Royals now have a legitimate MVP candidate. Gordon will also likely win his 4th straight Gold Glove this year. 

Every team in the American League is going to finish wayyyyyyy better than the worst team in the history of the American League. In case you never read my blog, the 2003 Detroit Tigers will forever remain the worst American League team in history with 119 losses. Just pathetic. Suck it Detroit. I hope you miss the playoffs and cry every day in October. 

The Royals went 12-13 in July and are 24-12 overall since the All Star Break. Sam Mellinger of the KC Star pointed out back in July that the Royals needed to win every series the rest of the season to have a chance of making the playoffs. They have basically done that so far, and hopefully the recent slide to mediocrity does not lead to a losing streak. The Royals play Minnesota next, and even though they are in last place in the AL Central, we all know how much the Royals can struggle against them. Defense and hitting will need to show up against the Twinkies.

The Royals were on national TV last night, will be on national TV tonight, and for the first time since 1996, will be on Sunday Night Baseball this coming Sunday. GIVE ME MORE NATIONAL TV FOR THE ROYALS!!!!! Very cool that they are getting national attention (including the Sports Illustrated cover below), and it is so crucial that they perform well. Everyone pray to God or Mohammed or whichever Hindu deities to which you ascribe to ensure that the Royals make Kansas City look good. I am tired of Kansas City only being known for BBQ and a Chiefs player committing suicide.  

Beat those Twins tonight!

KC, the GCE (Greatest City Ever)

The Oakland A(holes) erupted for 20 hits and 11 runs against the KC Royals last night, ending the Royals’ 9 game winning streak and sending KC superfan Sung-Woo Lee back to Korea with his only loss while in the US. What kind of inconsiderate jerks could be so heartless?

Despite the loss, the Royals remain in first place in the AL Central, thanks to the hapless Detroit Tigers, who have descended into a level of suck that the Royals used to display on an annual basis. I AM NOT COMPLAINING. In fact, if the Tigers lose the rest of their games I WILL REJOICE. I hate them. They are old (12th oldest in MLB), they are fat (14th heaviest in MLB), their bullpen is a joke, and they are ugly.

Here is old, fat Miggy Cabrera eating a baseball because he needs a snack between innings. What a jerk. Let a kid have the ball, fatso.

Max Scherzer's eyes are super creepy. The dark one is the creepiest.

The loss was bound to happen but the winning streak has ignited Kansas City. The Royals now own the two longest winning streaks in all of baseball in 2014 (10 games and 9 games), and currently sport the longest road winning streak (4 games). Yesterday, over 9,000 tickets were sold at the stadium, with constant lines at the box office. People everywhere are talking about the Royals, including the NY Times, ESPN (finally), and the Washington Post. I personally have paid little attention lately to my beloved KC Chiefs as I am wrapped up in a REAL-LIVE PENNANT RACE. Normally at this time of the year, I am debating which wide receivers the Chiefs should cut, but who cares as long as the ROYALS REMAIN IN FIRST?!?

I haven’t lived in KC since 2004 (except for one brief year in 2009), and I wish I was back because I would attend every game that I could. It is so exciting right now. Take a look at this video below and feel the goosebumps as they creep down your arms as Sung-Woo jumps around like the Royals just won the World Series. 

Then feel the goosebumps again as Jarrod Dyson does a backflip after catching the final out that put the Royals in First Place. Kansas City is the Greatest City Ever.

Aren’t those goosebumps great??? Can you imagine the goosebumps if the Royals win the Al Central and the stupid Tigers have to settle for a Wild Card (if that)? CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW GREAT A PARADE ON THE PLAZA WOULD BE?!?!?!?!?!?! Make it happen. Go to a game and cheer the boys in blue. Buy some Royals gear so they can afford to re-sign James Shields next year. And don’t be afraid to make sure Tigers fans know that their 2003 team was the worst team in the history of the American League:

The Royals take on the A(holes) again tonight and will not have to face Jon Lester. Raise your hand if you hate Jon Lester? And Sam Fuld? Man, I hate those guys. The Royals can start a new winning streak tonight. Below are some notes and stats to read before the game:

• On Monday, the Royals traded pitching prospect Jason Adam to the Twins for potential power-hitter Josh Willingham. Willingham strikes out a bunch, but also walks and hits home runs, all things that the current Royals do not. This was a great pick up by Dayton Moore.

• The Royals’ magic number to win the division is 45. They have won 16 of the past 20 games.

• The Royals have 115 FEWER strikeouts than the next closest team. That is hilarious. They also have 8 fewer home runs than the next closest team. That is not hilarious. 

• Billy Butler won the AL player of the week last week, after hitting 5 doubles and 2 home runs with 7 RBI’s. IT’S ABOUT TIME HE STARTED HITTING. The Royals will need him (and Willingham) to provide some power in the remaining 44 games to win the division. 

• Nori Aoki had 2 outfield assist in one inning last week. DO NOT RUN ON THE ROYALS OUTFIELD. 

Until next time folks, and Go KC!

The Royals should move to AZ

The Royals won last night, squeezing out a 4-3 victory after Mike Moustakas accounted for all 4 runs. Moose had a home run, giving him 14 for the year (which leads the Royals), one night after the Royals pounded out 3 home runs against the Diamondbacks. Below are some news and notes:

On Tuesday, Alex Gordon collected his 1,000th hit. 

Nori Aoki hit his first home run for the Royals on Tuesday, which turned out to be a grand slam. After tearing up the Arizona Cactus League in Spring Training for what seems like 2 straight decades now, the Royals should play a third of their games at the K, a third on the road, and a third in Arizona. I fully support this. And now that former Royal Frank White won the primary for a seat on the Jackson County legislature, we can make this happen. Everyone vote for him in November and let’s get the “AZ Royals” train moving.*

*mind you, I do not want them to permanently move to AZ. Just for a third of the season so they can ensure they make the playoffs for the next 60 years and make up for the last pathetic 29 years of futility 

Last night, Greg Holland notched his 32nd save, which leads the American League and is tied for 3rd best in baseball.  The Royals’ set-up men and closer all have ERA’s below 2.00, and most teams are lucky to have one. Wouldn't it be great to watch them mow down hitters in October?!

Also last night, Ace Ventura struck out 8, and his record now stands at 9-8. Pretty solid for his first full year. There are so many amazing photos of Ventura pitching on the internet:

The Royals win last night gave them their 5th straight series win. As Sam Mellinger from the KC Star points out here , the Royals need to basically win every series the rest of the season to have any real hope for the playoffs. They are certainly on their way, barring any collapses, and have won 11 of their past 14. 

The Rangers won their last two games ensuring that the 2003 Detroit Tigers will remain firmly entrenched as the WORST AMERICAN LEAGUE TEAM EVER TOPLAY THE GAME. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, suck it Detroit. I hate you.

The Royals are 3.5 games behind Detroit and half a game out of the second wild card. SWEEP THE D-BACKS AND THE MURDER THE GIANTS!!!!!!!!! The playoffs are so close I can actually smell the hot dogs and helmet nachos in the October air. GIVE KANSAS CITY MEANINGFUL SEPTEMBER BASEBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The Chiefs play tonight and my sand volleyball team might play for the championship tonight and all I can think about is how close the Royals are to owning a wild card spot and/or maybe dethroning the Douche-troit Tigers. Happy Thursday!

KC > Oakland

Let me recap last night’s Royals game for all of you who had something better to do:

Inning 1: Nothing happened

Inning 2: Nothing happened

Inning 3: Nothing happened

Inning 4: Nothing happened

Inning 5: Raul Ibanez, who is 105 years old*, pulled a solo dinger over the right field fence and broke his record as the oldest Royal to ever hit a home run.

Inning 6: Nothing happened

Inning 7: Nothing happened

Inning 8: Nothing happened**

Inning 9: Nothing happened***

*He is really only 92 years old and 59 days, I was exaggerating for effect.

**Nothing happened; however, WADE DAVIS WAS PISSED OFF AFTER GIVING UP HIS FIRST EXTRA BASE HIT OF THE SEASON TWO NIGHTS AGO TO THE STINKING TWINS AND HE DECIDED TO TAKE HIS ANGER OUT ON THE A’S. They were helpless. He had two strikeouts, as usual. IF YOUR TEAM IS LOSING TO THE ROYALS BY 3 RUNS OR LESS AND IT IS THE EIGHTH INNING, YOU HAVE AUTOMATICALLY LOST.  Davis’ ERA is 0.95 and he has only allowed 5 earned runs ALL YEAR, which is basically zero. The Tigers have basically the worst bullpen ever, so suck it Detroit.

*** Nothing happened except former Royal Alberto Callaspo struck out hilariously to end the game because GREG HOLLAND.

Some other notes about the game:

Oakland is the MLB’s best team and they gut SHUTOUT at home by the MEDIOCRE Royals. Everyone go have a beer. Then send some mean emails to Raiders fans letting them know that JAMAAL CHARLES IS HUNGRY and wants to score 14 touchdowns against them. That should ruin their weekend.

This was the eighth shutout of the year for KC. That ranks tied for #12 in baseball. Not bad, not bad.

This was the third straight game that Wade Davis and Greg Holland pitched, largely due to the fact that the Royals offense cannot score more than 1 or 2 runs per game. I was surprised that Ned Yost called for Davis to pitch, but it paid off BECAUSE NO ONE CANNOT HIT OFF OF WADE DAVIS. Or Greg Holland.

The Royals have won 8 of the last 10, after losing 4 straight following the All-Star game. Detroit on the other hand, who just signed Joakim Soria AND David Price, have lost 6 of their past 10. Suck it you turds.

The newly acquired Jon Lester, who looks like the creepy King Herod in Mel Gibson’s The Passion, is set to make his debut for Oakland tonight. Dear baseball gods, PLEASE let the Royals bats wake up and make Lester look as foolish as King Herod.