Friday, May 4, 2018

Royals Star Wars, 2018 edition

As is the tradition on May 4th, the world rejoices in all things Star Wars. And, as is my tradition here, I have turned the Royals players into Star Wars characters. Below, find some lovable icons like Han Soler, as well as the most hated villain in the galaxy, Darth Maurer:

Han Soler, Champion of the Galaxy:
Han and Moosebacca! The bestest of fraaands:
Admiral Escobar - "It's a trap!"
AnaKelvin Skywalker, the most feared pitcher in the galaxy:
Boba Whit, the most feared Base Hunter:
BB-8 Starling, who will one day patrol Center Field at The K:
Kylo Dan is strong with the force:
Jay-Ju Binks, the ace of the Royals pitching staff, and owner of the best beard:
And Darth Maurer, the most feared Royals villain:
May the 4th be with you!

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Opening Day Eve

True story:

Throughout all of my time in high school, I missed exactly one and a half days. I was sick one day during my freshman year, and in 2000, when I was a junior (save your jokes about my age for later and get off my lawn, ok?), one of my friends' dad had 4 tickets to Royals Opening Day, so me and him left school at lunch time to join his dad and a friend, and we took in the game.

At that high school, you were allowed to miss half a day and still get credit for perfect attendance. For some reason my half day was considered a full absence, and I did not get credit for perfect attendance. I am still bitter about this, 18 years later (again, save the damn jokes about my age SHEESH).

I digress. The point is that today is Opening Day Eve, and I have tickets to my second Royals Opening Day ever (and third overall because I attended Opening Day for the Astros in 2016) and I am very excited. My current overall record is 2-0 on Opening Day. THAT MEANS I AM UNDEFEATED ON OPENING DAY FOR THOSE WHO ARE KEEPING SCORE. The Royals should give me tickets to every Opening Day FOR THE REST OF TIME, particularly because their Opening Day record is a paltry 25-24.

Other notable Royals' Opening Day facts:
  • The Royals won their first ever Opening Day in 1969, beating the Twins 4-3
  • Their longest Opening Day winning streak is 5, from 1975-79; their longest Opening Day losing streak is also 5, set from 1986-1990
  • The most runs they have scored in one Opening Day game is 12, back in 1973, and they have been shutout twice on Opening Day, including last year when they lost 2-0 to the A's. 
  • They have thrown one shutout on Opening Day themselves in 2003 vs the White Sox
  • Their most common Opening Day opponents include: the Twins 8 times, the White Sox 6 times, the Tigers and Orioles and Blue Jays 5 times each, the Yankees 4 times, the Indians and A's 3 times. 
  • The Royals have only played Opening Day in March two times prior to this year, winning in 2003 and losing in 2011. 
Interesting stuff. In preparation for the game, the Royals Grounds Crew has been hard at work painting the field. I must say, VERY NICE JOB!
Hard at work getting things sized right
The final product!
Hope to see y'all at the game tomorrow! LETS GO ROYALS!

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Royals Valentines Poems

In honor of Valentine's Day, my love for the Royals, and my tradition of crafting sophomoric Royals' Valentines on this Day of Love, below is my newest creation: The Royals Valentines Poems. I apologize in advance for my brief use of French.

Please feel free to make your own, and share them on social media. All of mine have been posted on my Twitter account, using #RoyalsValentinesPoems.

Enjoy, and Happy Valentine's Day!

Roses are red
Royals are blue
Hosmer, all of KC
Is waiting on you

Roses are red
Royals are blue
Dear Ned,
Escobar better not play 162

Roses are red
Royals are the sh*t
you better not trade Whit!

Roses are red
Barry Bonds might be a phony
Kansas City don’t care
Cuz our right fielder is Boni

Roses are red
It’s Valentine’s Day for all
The olympics are on
But I’m ready for baseball

Roses are red
Trees are shady
I really hope the Royals opening day roster includes Dick Lovelady

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whit Merrifield is gonna steal a base.
Or 32

Roses are red
This winter has been polar
KC is ready to see
Some dingers from Soler

Roses are red
The Royals didn’t sign Lo
The 2018 outfield will be different
Except for Gordo

Roses are red
Some players don’t know
They can’t score a run
When Alex Gordon throws

Roses are red
The signed Cain
Let’s give him a Standing O
When he returns to The K


Friday, January 5, 2018

T'was the night before the playoffs...

T'was the night before the playoffs and all through KC
Not a player was partying, not even Travis Kelce
The jerseys were hung by the lockers with care
In hope that Andy Claus soon would be there
Kansas Citians were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Kareem Hunt TDs danced in their heads
Brett Veach settled down for a long winter's nap
While John Dorsey sat in Cleveland feeling like crap
Out on the field there arose such a clatter
Clark Hunt woke from his suite to see what was the matter
Butker the kicker was drilling 50 yard bombs
He made every girl swoon, including their moms
The moon on the grass of the beautiful field
Shone on the name of Chiefs great Will Shields
When, what to Clark's wondering eyes should appear
But the figures of Bell, Buchanan and Lanier
They had come to wish the Chiefs players good luck
And tell them to play hard and try not to suck
Now Smith, Now Hunt, Now Kelce and Bray!
On Colquitt, On Wilson, On Peters and McQuay!
To the endzone and back, rack up the score!
Then sack after sack, make Mariota sore!
Image result for marcus mariota sack chiefs
As Clark drew in his head and was turning around
Down the hallway Andy Claus came with a bound
He was dressed all in red, from his head to his shoes
Thankfully he wasn't holding a Chili's menu 
Related image 
The game plan he held, firm in his hands
He looked like best football coach in all of the land
His eyes- how they twinkled! His mustache - how merry!
His body resembled Mr. Koolaid, flavored cherry!
He had a broad face and a round little belly
That shook when he said "Alex Smith is my QB"
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old coach
And Clark laughed when he saw him, and said "Whats your approach?"
A wink of his eye and twist of his head,
Soon gave Clark to know Tennessee had everything to dread
Andy sprang to a golf cart and to Dave Toub gave a whistle
And away they flew like the down of a thistle
Clark heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight
"Merry Playoffs to all, and to Tennessee goodnight!"

Saturday, December 30, 2017

World's Greatest Chief Fan

You may have noticed the title of this post is "World's Greatest Chief Fan." Then, you may  have thought to yourself "what an idiot the guy writing this must be. Doesn't he know its the CHIEFS not Chief? Moron."


I digress. I will explain later.

Anyway, I was going through some of my dad's old stuff and wanted to share it with you all, which can offer SOME (not ALL, don't pin every one of my quirky mannerisms on my dad) explanation for my behavior to this day:

Anyone who knows me knows that I am The World's Greatest Kansas City Sports Fan, including for both the Chiefs and Royals (along with anything else KC - Mavericks, Kings, Scouts, Blades, Phantoms, etc.). (You will also notice that I used the correct form of "Chiefs" in that sentence Mr. or Mrs. Sharp Observational Skills Person - now get off my lawn) My KC fandom is the direct result of how I was raised by my father. He was a Chiefs season ticket holder for a long time, and some of my earliest and most favorite memories are going to Kauffman or Arrowhead Stadiums to catch a game. We never needed nachos or fancy little gimmicks during the games (like those midget-sized Royals bats they sell in the fan store - what exactly is the point of those?!?) - rather we just watched the game and my dad explained the rules and complained about the refs (Tony Gonzalez was TOTALLY IN BOUNDS ON THAT TD CATCH AGAINST DENVER IN 1998 DAMMIT!). Everything I know about sports, I learned from him.

And so it was exciting to go through some of his old stuff and see the roots of why I root for all things KC. I grew up in KC, lived there until I was 22 when I moved away to finish college then grad school then grad school AGAIN then entered the workforce then my daughter was born and finally after 12 years away, I returned to my homeland. Through those 12 years, I maintained my KC fandom, which included starting this blog and suffering through crappy WiFi and low bandwidth signals in the mid-2000s when I was learning how to stream KC teams on the internet. So I relished the chance to sit down with my older brother and go through my dad's stuff and see if there were any amazing KC sports items to help us remember our dad and maybe provide some cherished memories. Below are some of the things I found:

Bo Jackson Tie: No explanation for this thing, but KXXR was apparently a short-lived radio channel that played "Today's rock & roll." What a phenomenal piece of history. I may wear this to my next Black Tie Event. The particular date on the back of the tie was Game 2 of the World Series between the A's and Dodgers. The Dodgers won 6-0. Not sure if that is significant as it relates to the tie.
 George Brett baseball cards: Apparently my dad was a huge George Brett fan (I never knew!) and some of these cards he collected were before my days of collecting cards. I wonder if my love of baseball cards came from my dad!
 George Brett Newspapers: Since we have already established my dad was a George Brett fan, it should come as no surprise that other George Brett items existed in his stuff. Below are some (full) newspapers from the KC Star of Brett's highlights in the early '90s, including when he got his 3000th hit. Awesome stuff! Also, please make sure you take a closer look at the Full House blurb in the upper left corner of the newspaper with Brett's 3000th hit - that is too funny!
 George Brett Button: MOAR GEORGE BRETT STUFF! Presumably this button came from 1980 when Brett had his historic year chasing a .400 batting average for the Royals. This thing is priceless.
 Jan Stenerud Personal Autograph: Jan Stenerud was the famous Norwegian kicker for the Chiefs and I can remember my dad always telling stories of him. He came well before my time, playing 13 years for the Chiefs between 1967 and 1979. It was pretty clear my dad always liked him, and finding this personal autograph (no explanation for how or why or where it came from) was very exciting to me.
 1981 Chiefs Sticker: Isn't this sticker and helmet style GREAT? I'm telling you, the 1980s were the best decade (although technically, the 1980s were the second-worst decade in the Chiefs existence).
 Autographed 1986 Chiefs Program: The 1986 Chiefs went 10-6, clinching the AFC Wild Card and winning their most games since 1971. Notably, the Chiefs beat the damn Steelers on the last game of the season to seal their playoff berth. SUCK IT PITTSBURGH. My dad had 3 of these team pgorams signed by various players - the one I took has Todd Blackledge (the last QB drafted by the Chiefs to win a game for them!), Carlos Carson, Paul Palmer, Henry Marshall, Jeff Smith, Stephone Paige, Bill Kenney, and someone I cannot figure out (Carl Maul? Cal Mauil? WTF). Pretty sweet find!

Please also note that although the picture on the program is clearly at Arrowhead, there is only a SINGLE Chiefs item worn by fans in the background. WHAT THE F*&%. Did people not wear team gear in the 1980s?!?

World's Greatest Chief Fan pin: There was no explanation for this pin, including the very obvious typo, but APPARENTLY MY DAD WAS THE WORLD'S GREATEST CHIEF FAN AND I HAVE NOW INHERITED THE PIN SO THAT MAKES ME THE WORLD'S GREATEST CHIEF FAN HAHAHAHAHA YASSSSSSSSS!. I will proudly wear this pin everywhere, and even change my email signature to read:
Matt Chrisman, World's Greatest Chief Fan, and son of the former World's Greatest Chief Fan.

I love this thing and I love and miss my dad. RIP. 
 So there you have it, some of the cool KC sports items my dad collected, which I now own, and which have helped explain not only the "typo" in the title of this post, but also the roots of why I love everything related to KC sports. Anyone claiming to be the best or biggest Chiefs fan better damn have some evidence to back their claim up!

Make sure you get to Arrowhead next weekend and cheer on our CHIEEEEEFFFSSS in the playoffs.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

12 Days of Chiefsmas - 2017

We have finally arrived at the 12 Days of Chiefsmas. This has been a long, frustrating, up-and-down roller coaster season that has lasted the past 15 weeks. Good play and bad from everyone on the roster (except Buttkicker) has culminated in a 8-6 record leading into the final two games and the push for the playoffs. But before we consider whether the Chiefs will actually make the playoffs (probably) and how they might fare (terribly), let us revisit some festive Chiefs stats and info, both past and present, complete with a video I made to accompany the 12 Days of Chiefsmas. Enjoy, and Happy Holidays!

On the 12th Day of Chiefsmas, Clark Hunt gave to me:
  •  12 yards per completion (Alex Smith's career high, and likely due to Pat Mahomes providing some pressure on Smith from the bench)
On the 11th Day of Chiefsmas, Clark Hunt gave to me:
  •  11 interceptions (now 14, which includes 5 from Marcus Peters)
On the 10th Day of Chiefsmas, Brett Veach gave to me:
  •  10 games (now 11) from The Buttkicker, the greatest rookie kicker in Chiefs history
On the 9th Day of Chiefsmas, Clark Hunt gave to me:
  •  9 1/2 sacks from Justin Houston
On the 8th Day of Chiefsmas, Andy Reid gave to me:
  •  a +8 turnover differential (now +12)
On the 7th Day of Chiefsmas, Clark Hunt gave to me:
  •  Victories over seven NFL teams
On the 6th Day of Chiefsmas, the Hunt family gave to me:
  •  Six decades of greatness
On the 5th Day of Chiefsmas, Clark Hunt gave to me:
  •  Five seasons with Andy Reid (he might win his 2nd AFC West Title this season!)
On the 4th Day of Chiefsmas, Travis Kelce gave to me:
  •  Four players sack racing! LOL
On the 3rd Day of Chiefsmas, the Chiefs gave to me:
  •  Three 4th quarter TDs to beat the Patriots on the Opening Night of the NFL Season
On the 2nd Day of Chiefsmas, the Chiefs gave to me:
  •  Two Super Bowl appearances in franchise history
On the 1st Day of Chiefsmas, Clark Hunt gave to me:
  •  One thousand yard rusher (and pretty soon Travis Kelce will join Tyreek Hill as a 1000 yard receiver - NOT BAD!)

Merry Chiefsmas to all and to all a good night!

Thursday, September 21, 2017

KC: City of Champions

Last night was a tremendous and historical night for Kansas City sports teams, for two fantastic reasons:
1. Mike Moustakas set the Royals news single season home run mark by mashing his 37th home run of the season
2. Perhaps more importantly, Sporting KC won the US Open Cup with a thrilling victory at Children's Mercy Park

Have yourself a day KC!!!

Kansas City is now cementing itself as a City of Champions AND the Soccer Capital of America (see pic):
For instance:

The Kansas City Royals have won two championships and played in four championship games in the past 40 years

Sporting KC/the KC Wizards have won two league titles and four US Open Cup titles in their 21-year existence

FC Kansas City, the professional women's soccer team in KC, has won two titles (back-to-back) in their brief (4-year) existence

And the Chiefs, the golden child of the city, the bread and butter of KC's national sports scene, have won a whopping one championship and played in an additional title game.

Dear Chiefs, IT IS TIME TO STEP YOUR GAME UP. As much as I love the Red and Gold, it truly is time for them to make some noise and get to a Super Bowl (for the first time in 47 years no less). So far, the team looks good - below are some stats and rankings:

Alex Smith has the 5th most passing yards in the NFL
Kareem Hunt has the most rushing yards in the NFL
Tyreek Hill has the 4th most receiving yards in the NFL
The Chiefs are ranked the #2 offense (#5 passing and #2 rushing)
The Chiefs have the #2 scoring offense (34.5 points per game)

Not too shabby for the start of the season! Here's hoping their run continues...