Postseason Productivity

As the Royals prepare for Game 3 of the World Series (still feels weird that Royals are in the World Series), I decided to provide an in-depth analysis, complete with a graph, of my work productivity since September. Below you will see how productive I am on a daily basis, using a scale of 1-10. To stay in line with the World Series, 1 represents the least productive player and 10 represents the most productive (Lorenzo Cain). A 0 represents that I am unable to do any work because I am completely incapacitated. Any negative productivity values represent Hunter Strickland, the racist Giants pitcher who has given up 5 home runs in 5.1 innings pitched this postseason. Just awful.

As you can see in the graph, my productivity lately has been as up and down as the Royals were this season (excluding the playoffs). **Please note that the Giants’ Hunter Strickland is smiling because he is an idiot.**  

September 1-28. This is the first September of my life where playoffs are a (potentially) real thing. I say potentially because the Royals did not clinch a spot until September 26. So most of the month was sort of normal, working and wondering if the Roys would lock up a postseason berth. Thanks to the A’s and Mariners sucking down the stretch, WE DID IT! And my productivity at work was at Lorenzo Cain levels. AND I got married at the beginning of September. Pretty darn productive month.

September 29-30. After the Royals’ insane Wild Card win over the A’s, I could not work. You could not work. Kansas City could not work. Productivity grinded to a halt. We were all at Hunter Strickland levels, being so unproductive that it was draining our economy of precious labor and resources. AND WHO FREAKING CARES?!?! Dem Roys won a playoff game!!! And I was unproductive, just like Hunter Strickland's fastballs.

October 1. I was back to normalcy. Eric Hosmer levels. Solid, dependable, not quite Lo-Cain but very good. Then the Royals beat the Angels…

October 2-3. I couldn’t work. I was too excited. My productivity slid faster than Jarrod Dyson into second base. The Royals kept winning. Life was AMAZING. That weekend was so much fun, especially as the anticipation built up to Sunday’s game 3 versus the Angels, meaning the Royals had a chance to sweep the series WHILE PLAYING AT THE K. The stage was set for the biggest party of all time. And it did not disappoint. After the Royals clinched that game, my wife and I partied like it was 1999 and Y2K was real. We partied like it was 1985 and Daryl Motely had just caught the final out of Game 7. We partied like the 1980 US Hockey team just beat the Soviets and Osama Bin Laden was captured and America just won back-to-back World Wars. GREATEST NIGHT EVER. Which lead to a precipitous drop in my productivity…

October 6. Twenty-nine years of happiness and joy exploding resulted in my least productive day ever. I was back to Hunter Strickland levels. I think it was because I ate too much pizza* while celebrating the Royals win the previous night.

*for honesty's sake, feel free to replace ate too much pizza with "drank too many adult beverages"

October 7-10. Slowly but surely, the excitement of the win wore off and I was able to trudge through and increase my productivity. Very Alcides Escobar-like: consistent and dependable, making some highlight plays here and there. Mostly helped by the Royals not having any games during this stretch.

October 13. This was a Monday. That dreaded day for workers everywhere and the Royals victory on Saturday did not help at all. But like Mike Moustakas, I sacrificed my body and took one for the team. Kept that productivity high. Emails were being sent at a quick pace. Data was analyzed, meetings attended. I was trying to be a postseason hero.

October 14. Productivity dropped because of anticipation for the Royals third game against the Orioles. The Royals were up 2 games to none and looking sharp. It was hard to focus at work, but I was a respectable Jarrod Dyson. He wasn’t playing much, but was making his time count. Then the Royals won AGAIN.

October 15. At this point, I was tired. No sleep after all those dramatic wins. Productivity had been all over the place. Luckily no one was placing demands on me. I fought through again, just like the Royals gutting out a 2-1 victory, setting up the stage for ANOTHER potential sweep. In Kansas City AGAIN.  At work, I was a Salvy Perez – getting things done but slipping at the plate.

October 16-21. This period is hazy. A dreamland. Nothing felt real. If I was productive at work, you will have to ask someone else. Whatever is on the graph during these days is purely for entertainment BECAUSE THE ROYALS SWEPT THE ORIOLES AND WON THE AMERICAN LEAGUE PENNANT AND ARE NOW IN THE WORLD SERIES OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD

October 22. Productivity slipped a bit after James Shields pitched that stinker and the Giants dominated beat the Royals in Game 1. I was heading towards Jayson Nix levels of zero productivity. Not because he is a bad player, but because he wasn’t playing. And I wasn’t working much.

October 23. AND WE’RE BACK! After stomping DESTROYING the Giants in Game 2, my productivity is down to Travis Ishikawa levels. He is batting 1 for 5 with two strikeouts in the World Series and he sucks. Guess that tells you a lot about me at work, huh? Hahaha, jk*

*not really 

I am glad the next 3 games will be during the weekend because who knows if I could afford another huge drop in productivity. Here is hoping the Royals do work tonight and either bring the series back to KC or finish the Giants in San Francisco!