Royal Thanks

As Thanksgiving swiftly approaches and the wounds of the Royals’ disappointing Game 7 defeat slowly heal, I thought it would be nice to take a moment and reflect on things that I am thankful for regarding the Boys in Blue that just gave Kansas City its greatest October since 1985. So below you will find a list of blessings provided by Alex Gordon and Co.

Blessing #1: A trip to the World Series. Only 2 out of 30 MLB teams make the World Series. Being one of the last two teams left was incredibly unexpected and so amazing. Kansas City has had so much disappointment (Chiefs haven’t won a playoff game in 20 years) and negative attention (Jovan Belcher suicide), and no city was more deserving of a World Series appearance than the Paris of the Plains.  

Blessing #2: The end of the playoff drought. What was a much-publicized point of embarrassment Kansas City’s history became moot on September 26, 2014 when the Royals beat the White Sox in Chicago and clinched a berth in the playoffs. Just remembering that night brings back a gamut of emotions. 9/26/2014: NEVER FORGET. 

Blessing #3: MLB playoff history. The Royals made MLB history by winning their first 8 games of the 2014 postseason, after sweeping the Angels and Orioles and defeating the A’s in their Wild Card matchup. Ned Yost became the first manager in MLB history to win his first 8 postseason games. And the Royals finished the postseason with an 11-4 record, the best possible record you can have and not win the World Series. I LOVE THE ROYALS.

Blessing #4: The emergence of Danny Duffy and Yordano Ventura. Rather than re-hash these two pitchers’ season stats, let me just be a fan for once: These guys rock. Duffy was unhittable in 2014 and Ventura literally throws fire. If they stay healthy, OMG they are going to be freaking good. The (potential) impending loss of James Shields is truly softened by these young guns becoming Major League weapons.

Blessing #5: Success in the face of failure. What I mean by this is that several Royals players actually showed regression in 2014 (compared to 2013), yet the team as a whole was able to overcome that regression and prove that the whole is better than the sum of its parts. Billy Butler having the lowest batting average of his career? Alex Gordon slumping in several parts of the season? No problem. Baseball is a team sport and someone else will pick the team up. In fact, the Royals run through the postseason showed how great of a team they truly were, with multiple players having game winning hits or having a huge impact on the outcome of the games (rather than relying SOLELY ON MADISON BUMF***** LIKE THE STUPID GIANTS DID).

Blessing #6: Kansas City is on the map. I spent the most of my life in Blue Springs, a stone’s throw from Kaufmann and Arrowhead Stadiums, and I have immense pride in KC. However, Kansas City is mostly known as a part of flyover country, or a perennially bunch of losers, or just plain not good enough to compete with the Big Market Big Boys. WELL GUESS WHAT NEW YORK AND BOSTON? WE JUST MADE THE WORLD SERIES SO YOU CAN SUCK IT.  One of my favorite things from the past few months is that the World Series garnered a high television rating and is one of the most watched sports events of 2014. No one cares about the crappy Red Sox or Ancient Yankees. The Royals represent new blood and the new old  way to play baseball. I LOVE IT.

Blessing #7: The Chiefs are also good and Sporting KC and the Comets won their Championships in 2013 and K-State could win the Big 12 Title in football this year and OMG IT LOOKS LIKE KC IS THE CENTER OF THE SPORTS UNIVERSE DOESN’T IT? Great stuff.

There are countless other examples of blessings the Royals gave KC, and rather than post them all here, I challenge you to remember them on your own. And when you gather with family tomorrow think about those blessing that the Royals (and Chiefs) have given us, and be thankful that KC should now be a model for other cities and teams. We are WINNERS. WE ARE KANSAS CITY.

Below is a pic of Salvy Perez giving you a turkey for Thanksgiving. Just like Dwayne Bowe and Anthony Sherman did for KC today. What a fantastic city to live in. Happy Thanksgiving y’all.

Bye Bye Billy

It has taken me awhile to process things and get over the World Series, but I think I am finally able to publicly state my complete and utter hatred for Madison Butthead and the San Francisco Giant Lucky Ducks. So here it is, Madison Butthead:

I HATE YOU

I wrote that in a font called Rockwell Extra Bold to indicate how boldly I hate you. I also wrote it in Royal Blue to indicate that I Royally hate your greasy hair and gi-normous nose. You are a fine pitcher but you did not win the National League MVP or Cy Young award and that is because you come from a gross dirty city and you are a total jerk. Instead of hogging all the World Series innings, maybe let someone else pitch ok?! Gawd I hate you.

I do not feel ready yet to analyze the World Series other than my hatred for the douche above, but I will chime in some thoughts on Billy Butler’s recent departure.

First of all, I think it was time for Billy to go. I loved every single player on the 2014 Royals’ team, but Billy but have been the one I loved the least. He was slow, hit into 21 double plays, had little power and was mostly worthless in the field. At only 28 years old, he was supposed to be in his prime, but as you will see below, his production is currently approaching Raul Ibanez levels.

Second, Billy entered the MLB as a First Round pick in 2004 and debuted in 2007. He had a slow but somewhat steady rise in various hitting categories up until 2010 or 2011 (depending on which categories you examine). For example, his home run totals increased his first 3 years then dropped off in 2010. His RBI totals had the same pattern. His batting average and slugging increased in 2010 despite a drop off in other areas. His generally slid down a bit in 2011 before having his phenomenal 2012, when he was the Royals’ lone All-Star and set career highs for home runs, RBI’s and slugging percentage. Since then? He has fell off the cliff. In 2014, he hit a full 20 fewer home runs than his career high, had the second fewest RBI’s since his second year in the league, had the lowest batting average of his career yet still had the fourth most strikeouts in one season in his 8 years in the MLB. He also hit into 21 double plays, further demonstrating his complete lack of speed and hustle.

Third, and this is a theme that I simply cannot get over, Billy HIT INTO 21 DOUBLE PLAYS in 2014, after hitting into 28 and 20 in the previous two years, respectively. That is 138 outs in just 69 at-bats! You SUCK! What a complete waste of an at-bat and someone getting on base in front of him. The KC Star columnist Lee Judge wrote a (very annoying) column about productive outs in baseball and guess what Billy? Grounding into double plays are basically the second LEAST PRODUCTIVE OUT you can make, besides hitting into a triple play (a feat that is basically so rare that through 2013, only 691 had occurred in the MLB since 1876, an average of only 5 triple plays per year). YOUR GROUNDING INTO DOUBLE PLAYS WILL NOT BE MISSED BILLY.

Lastly, I just want to mention that Oakland A’s GM Billy Beane said that Billy Butler will play first base versus lefthanded pitchers. Ha! The A’s are probably going to suck those days. I do think that Billy’s batting numbers will increase because Kauffman Stadium tends to suppress home runs, but I do not think Billy is worth the $10 million the A’s will be paying him. Based on his salary and numbers last year, each of Billy’s home runs in 2014 was worth $888,888.88 which is a considerable sum to pay for only 9 home runs. Bon Voyage Billy and best of luck in Oakland. Please bring your BBQ sauce with you.

Judgement Day (and superstitions)

Last night’s win was very satisfying. Even though there is still one more game to play, boy did it feel good to lay a smackdown on the Giants. It was a statement game almost, with the Royals boldly stating “We are still here and we are not going down without a fight.”

All nine Royals starters had at least one hit. Moose set a new franchise record with his 5th postseason home run. Eric Hosmer tied the franchise record with his 20th hit of the postseason. Yordano Ventura looked like a seasoned veteran with ice in his veins, refusing to be rattled even after loading the bases. And the best part is that Kelvin Herrera, Wade Davis, and Greg Holland all got the day off, leaving them fresh for tonight. 

And tonight is Judgment Day:

I am nervous, but proud. The Dawn of a New Age in Kansas City begins tonight. Everything rests in the hands of Jeremy Guthrie, Lorenzo Cain, Eric Hosmer, and the rest of the Boys In Blue. No matter what superstitions you believe in, no matter the coincidences below, one game decides whether we all rejoice and revel tonight. 

For the Royals, the following coincidences exist:

Bret Saberhagen won game 7 in the 1985 World Series. He will throw out the first pitch tonight. Saberhagen’s son was born during the 1985 World Series, and that son later played on the same college team as Greg Holland. Holland just gave birth to a son during this World Series.

Also, the Royals were down 3 games to 2, then won the final two games at home in the 1985 World Series. They are one game away from repeating that. 

As a control variable to consider, this year marks the end of “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks being played at Kauffman Stadium during the 7th inning stretch. Do you think that song has any effect on the game? 

For the Giants, the following coincidences exist:

The Giants won the World Series in 2010 and missed the playoffs in 2011. The Giants won it again in 2012 then missed the playoffs in 2013. They are one game away from continuing the trend. 

As a control variable to consider, Taylor Swift released an album in 2010. Then released an album in 2012. Then released an album yesterday. Do you really think that Taylor Swift has any effect on who wins the World Series? This is a completely pointless example of how trends and coincidences have no meaning on tonight’s game. It is up to the Royals to win that championship!

I will admit to having minor superstitions and I have tried to avoid jinxing the Royals this postseason. In reality, what they have accomplished is completely independent of what shirt you are wearing, what you ate for breakfast, and whether you sit in the exact same seat wherever you are watching the game. Superstitions take away from the fact that the team made it this far by playing good baseball, BUT FEEL FREE TO DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO HELP THE ROYALS WIN. Wear your lucky shirt or hat or socks, eat THE EXACT SAME FOODS YOU ATE YESTERDAY, sit in the same spot on your couch, and do WHATEVER ELSE YOU CAN to help Dem Roys win this World Series!!!!! Please. I would like to attend the potential victory parade in KC, and I can't do that unless the Royals win. 

The Royals theme song all postseason has been We Ready. So are YOU and your superstitions ready? 

Let's Go Royals!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Respect Dem Roys

This weekend was pretty darn tough for Royals fans. Two straight losses in the World Series put their title hopes in danger. Stupid Hunter Pence has been playing out of his mind like the meth-head that he resembles. James Shields cannot strike anyone out and the Royals’ shutdown bullpen finally showed its human side. 

The Royals’ backs are to the wall and face elimination and a second place finish with a loss tonight. BUT THAT MEANS THE ROYALS ARE THE SECOND BEST TEAM IN BASEBALL. At the absolute worst, the Royals are the best American League team and second best team in all of the MLB. That is amazing. No one predicted this, few of us thought we would make the playoffs, much less beat the Oakland A’s.

But the Royals made it this far and it is time to pay them the respect they deserve.

Currently, Mike Moustakas has the most home runs in the playoffs (4). Who predicted that?!?

Alex Gordon and Eric Hosmer have the most RBI’s (10) among all playoff players this postseason. 

Greg Holland tied an MLB record with 7 saves in one postseason (he can still get two more!), and was third overall in the MLB with 46 saves. He also won the inaugural Mariano Rivera award, given to the best American League Relief Pitcher. 

Alex Gordon finished the regular season worth 6.6 Wins Above Replacement, better than all but 6 players in the MLB. 

Rookie Yordano Ventura had the 10th lowest ERA in the American League (3.20), and James Shields was right behind him at 3.21. Jason Vargas was also in the top 25 lowest ERA's.

Ventura also averaged 97 MPH on his fastball this season, highest in the Majors and just insane to think about. 

Four Royals players are finalists for a Gold Glove – Alex Gordon, Eric Hosmer, Salvy Perez, and Alcides Escobar. All but Escobar won Gold Gloves last season, and the Royals best fielder didn’t even make this list. Lorenzo Cain was left off, even though he led AL outfielders in defensive Wins Against Replacement. They had the most players selected as finalists in the American League, tied with the Dodgers for most overall. What an accomplishment. 

They finished 4th best in the league with 40 defensive runs saved.

The Royals as a team had the fewest strikeouts and 4th highest batting average in all of baseball, by far had the most stolen bases of every team, and had the fifth most total hits, including the seventh most doubles. 

And of course, they ended a 29-year playoff drought, set an MLB postseason record by winning their first 8 playoff games, tied the record for most stolen bases in one playoff game, and have endeared themselves to all of America while simultaneously making Kansas City the Greatest City Ever.

No matter what happens tonight (or even tomorrow night), I am immensely proud to call the Royals my favorite team, and I will never forget the 2014 Royals, those Boys in Blue who made October the best month KC has ever experienced. 

Please go to The K tonight, cheer on Dem Roys as loud as you can and be proud of a great season.

Postseason Productivity

As the Royals prepare for Game 3 of the World Series (still feels weird that Royals are in the World Series), I decided to provide an in-depth analysis, complete with a graph, of my work productivity since September. Below you will see how productive I am on a daily basis, using a scale of 1-10. To stay in line with the World Series, 1 represents the least productive player and 10 represents the most productive (Lorenzo Cain). A 0 represents that I am unable to do any work because I am completely incapacitated. Any negative productivity values represent Hunter Strickland, the racist Giants pitcher who has given up 5 home runs in 5.1 innings pitched this postseason. Just awful.

As you can see in the graph, my productivity lately has been as up and down as the Royals were this season (excluding the playoffs). **Please note that the Giants’ Hunter Strickland is smiling because he is an idiot.**  

September 1-28. This is the first September of my life where playoffs are a (potentially) real thing. I say potentially because the Royals did not clinch a spot until September 26. So most of the month was sort of normal, working and wondering if the Roys would lock up a postseason berth. Thanks to the A’s and Mariners sucking down the stretch, WE DID IT! And my productivity at work was at Lorenzo Cain levels. AND I got married at the beginning of September. Pretty darn productive month.

September 29-30. After the Royals’ insane Wild Card win over the A’s, I could not work. You could not work. Kansas City could not work. Productivity grinded to a halt. We were all at Hunter Strickland levels, being so unproductive that it was draining our economy of precious labor and resources. AND WHO FREAKING CARES?!?! Dem Roys won a playoff game!!! And I was unproductive, just like Hunter Strickland's fastballs.

October 1. I was back to normalcy. Eric Hosmer levels. Solid, dependable, not quite Lo-Cain but very good. Then the Royals beat the Angels…

October 2-3. I couldn’t work. I was too excited. My productivity slid faster than Jarrod Dyson into second base. The Royals kept winning. Life was AMAZING. That weekend was so much fun, especially as the anticipation built up to Sunday’s game 3 versus the Angels, meaning the Royals had a chance to sweep the series WHILE PLAYING AT THE K. The stage was set for the biggest party of all time. And it did not disappoint. After the Royals clinched that game, my wife and I partied like it was 1999 and Y2K was real. We partied like it was 1985 and Daryl Motely had just caught the final out of Game 7. We partied like the 1980 US Hockey team just beat the Soviets and Osama Bin Laden was captured and America just won back-to-back World Wars. GREATEST NIGHT EVER. Which lead to a precipitous drop in my productivity…

October 6. Twenty-nine years of happiness and joy exploding resulted in my least productive day ever. I was back to Hunter Strickland levels. I think it was because I ate too much pizza* while celebrating the Royals win the previous night.

*for honesty's sake, feel free to replace ate too much pizza with "drank too many adult beverages"

October 7-10. Slowly but surely, the excitement of the win wore off and I was able to trudge through and increase my productivity. Very Alcides Escobar-like: consistent and dependable, making some highlight plays here and there. Mostly helped by the Royals not having any games during this stretch.

October 13. This was a Monday. That dreaded day for workers everywhere and the Royals victory on Saturday did not help at all. But like Mike Moustakas, I sacrificed my body and took one for the team. Kept that productivity high. Emails were being sent at a quick pace. Data was analyzed, meetings attended. I was trying to be a postseason hero.

October 14. Productivity dropped because of anticipation for the Royals third game against the Orioles. The Royals were up 2 games to none and looking sharp. It was hard to focus at work, but I was a respectable Jarrod Dyson. He wasn’t playing much, but was making his time count. Then the Royals won AGAIN.

October 15. At this point, I was tired. No sleep after all those dramatic wins. Productivity had been all over the place. Luckily no one was placing demands on me. I fought through again, just like the Royals gutting out a 2-1 victory, setting up the stage for ANOTHER potential sweep. In Kansas City AGAIN.  At work, I was a Salvy Perez – getting things done but slipping at the plate.

October 16-21. This period is hazy. A dreamland. Nothing felt real. If I was productive at work, you will have to ask someone else. Whatever is on the graph during these days is purely for entertainment BECAUSE THE ROYALS SWEPT THE ORIOLES AND WON THE AMERICAN LEAGUE PENNANT AND ARE NOW IN THE WORLD SERIES OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD

October 22. Productivity slipped a bit after James Shields pitched that stinker and the Giants dominated beat the Royals in Game 1. I was heading towards Jayson Nix levels of zero productivity. Not because he is a bad player, but because he wasn’t playing. And I wasn’t working much.

October 23. AND WE’RE BACK! After stomping DESTROYING the Giants in Game 2, my productivity is down to Travis Ishikawa levels. He is batting 1 for 5 with two strikeouts in the World Series and he sucks. Guess that tells you a lot about me at work, huh? Hahaha, jk*

*not really 

I am glad the next 3 games will be during the weekend because who knows if I could afford another huge drop in productivity. Here is hoping the Royals do work tonight and either bring the series back to KC or finish the Giants in San Francisco!

Acronyms of destiny

In case you missed last night’s World Series game, below is a synopsis of what occurred:

Innings 1-5:

Score = 2-2. Game = tight. Royals bats = missing.

Innings 6-9:

Score = 7-2. Game = AMAZING. Royals bats = powerful and explosive and clutch and caused the Giants to become racists.

What a fun night. I have truly enjoyed this Royals season, and especially the postseason as there have been COUNTLESS stories of love and devotion and faith and kindness emanating from Kansas City. For example, Wade Davis’ wife left a waiter World Series tickets as a tip. The Royals have adopted several cancer patients and given them a chance to see the World Series. And the Royals have made it possible to bring back super-fan Sung Woo to America. Has there ever been another city with that much love and respect and awesomeness?!? My wife and I are so jealous of everyone who gets to experience Kansas City every day during this Glorious October.

Last night, while watching the Royals shutdown trio of relievers, I realized something. All of the Royals players’ names stand for something awesome, and I decided to share what their names mean with you:

Alcides "Esky" Escobar: what a stud at Short Stop

Alex Gordon is not doing much this series, but teams are afraid to run on him. And he catches everything hit his way

I pity the fool who tries to hit a Greg Holland slider.

Jacobim Mugatu: "That Kelvin is so hot right now."

Wade Davis does not allow hits. Nor does he allow walks. You cannot hit his pitches no matter how hard you try so just give it up.

Omar's home run last night was one of the most beautiful hits I have ever seen. Gone as soon as it left the bat.

This is what I imagine Ned Yost thinks about in the dugout...

Aren’t these great? Acronyms of destiny! Let’s get them in San Francisco!