An essay on torment

AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

And there it is, the frustration of being a Kansas City Royals fan. This Royals-coaster season has been quite a ride so far. The thrill of a 10-game winning streak was awesome; but the constant regression back to mediocrity and a .500 record leaves a bad taste. Why must we be tormented so?  

Ralph Waldo Emerson once stated: When a man is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has a chance to learn something. What, pray tell, can a Royals fan learn from the torment that inevitably comes with following this team? I decided to dig deep into my soul and see if I have learned anything in a lifetime of following the Royals:

First, I learned that Royals fans persevere. This should be pretty obvious. For a team that has not seen the postseason in basically 3 decades, any remaining fans have the Perseverance of the Saints.  Will they see the postseason this year? Currently, after losing 2 of 3 from the Dodgers, they stand 1.5 games back in the Wild Card race, and 4 games behind Detroit. WE NEED ANOTHER 10 GAME WINNING STREAK PLEASE.

Second, I learned that the Shuttlecok Curse is real. Don’t believe so? Read this article. If you still don’t believe so, then consider that if the Shuttlecok Curse isn’t real then the Royals are the worst franchise in the history of pro sports. DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WITH THAT KIND OF REPUTATION? I don’t. The curse is real. 

Third, I learned that it is not absence that makes the heart grow fonder, it is torment. How else do you explain that Joe Posnanski is still a Royals fan, even though he is from Cleveland and now writes for NBC Sports (as someone from Cleveland, he has suffered enough)? How do you explain that after moving from Kansas City to Iowa and then Texas, I refuse to make the switch and adopt a new team? It seems that the more the Royals flirt with decency then crash and burn with another 5 game losing streak, the more I desire to watch them, discuss them on Twitter, write about them on this blog. In fact, I didn’t start this blog until after the Royals started the season terribly and I JUST HAD TO VENT ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET. The best description of the Royals is a terrible ex that you keep coming back to. QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART YOU ROYAL FOOLS, I HAVE BEEN TORMENTED ENOUGH. And next time you win 10 games in a row, don’t follow that with losing 6 of your next 7 games. That is just embarrassing. 

Finally, I learned that with torment comes the most elated feeling in the world, and one that Kansas City Royals fans have not felt since 1985: that feeling is called being a WORLD CHAMPION. You can agitate me, frustrate me, defeat me, crush me, give me losing streak upon losing streak, refuse to develop good hitters that hit monstrous home runs in front of my eyes, and make questionable managerial decisions on a nightly basis that cause my blood to boil, but you can bet that the second the Royals WIN THE WORLD SERIES AGAIN I WILL BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. I will be a WORLD CHAMPION and I will brag about it for the rest of my days and no amount of torment will ever be enough to overcome the feeling of being THE BEST. And right now, I am not even asking for a World Championship. I am simply asking for a berth in the postseason to erase the Shuttlecock Curse and bring some respectability to Kansas City.

I have been too busy to write much about the Royals lately, but I wanted to go over some recent stats for the team. First, the Royals have 45 home runs, which is only 1 less than the Cardinals, but is 10 less than the next lowest, which is the Texas Rangers. Still last in baseball, but PROGRESS! The league averages 39 at bats per home run; the Royals average 59. That is pretty bad and is explained by the fact that they have a very high groundball to flyball ratio. They just do not hit anything in the air. It looks like Mike Moustakas (8), Alex Gordon (9) and Sal Perez (9) will reach double-digit home runs soon, but I would be surprised if Billy Butler (2) and Eric Hosmer (4) reach at least 10 for the season. They are just not hitting well. In fact, Omar Infante has more RBI’s than Butler. I am hoping the Royals trade him before the deadline on July 31. 

The Royals are pitching better than the rest of the division, and hopefully they keep that up. In the AL Central, they have the best ERA, most saves, most quality starts, and second fewest bases on balls. Despite the fact that they do not have any Cy Young winners on their rosters. Suck it Detroit. 

The Royals have the fewest strike outs (again, suck it Detroit) and third most stolen bases in the MLB, which is encouraging until you see that they are dead last in bases on balls. Their 40 wins are tied for seventh in the American league and tied for 12th overall in the MLB. Slightly above average, but this season everyone is playing about average, so it might be enough to get the Royals into the playoffs if they maintain this pace and go on a hot streak in August and September.  

I am hoping that the positive trends continue and the losing streaks stop appearing so often, which would result in less torment for us Royals fans.  They play the Angels next, who are currently leading the Wild Card standings. This would be a good chance to make some ground.