Royal dislikes

As I write this, the Royals just blew a slim lead over the Indians and are now trailing 6-4. In a season where every tiny mistake is magnified due to the ramifications any mistake has on their playoff hopes, the Royals cannot afford to let leads slip away. They must play perfect baseball (perfect small ball, if you will), until the season ends this Sunday, in order to make the playoffs, which for them, will most likely be a one game Wild Card spot. Barf. 29 years of waiting for that?! I will take it but still…

As I watch this game, I can barely be happy for the Royals, who are inching closer to the Wild Card spot each day as the A’s and Mariners lose and the Tigers continue to hold onto first place in the AL Central. Instead of happiness, all I feel is frustration. You might ask, why am I frustrated? I thought I would just list things that frustrate me and you can see for yourself:

• Detroit Tigers. HATE HATE HATE them. There is not one good thing about them except their disastrous 2003 season which is the worst ever for an AL team. 119 losses. Suck it losers.
• Cleveland Indians. ABOSLUTELY despise these buttheads. The Royals cannot beat them to save their lives.
• Miggy Cabrera. He is a slow fatty. The Royals also have a slow fatty in Billy Butler. Why can’t our slow fatty be good like him?
• Detroit Red Wings. Those jerks have made the playoffs 23 straight times while the Royals have failed 29 straight times. It is not fair.
• Justin Verlander. He sucked all year then started pitching good right when the Royals needed him to suck. I wish he would just run away with his bimbo girlfriend and never play baseball again. Also, I bet he wears skinny jeans, that douche.

• Michael Brantley and Michael Bourn. The two Cleveland Michaels are jerks who have destroyed the Royals this year. You guys are probably not making the playoffs this year so suck it.
• Salvador Perez. I used to love him but he swings at everything and never makes solid contact and is starting to become a liability for the Royals. TAKE A FRIGGIN’ BALL FOR ONCE you idiot.
• Eric Hosmer. He too, swings at everything. It feels like Hosmer and Perez are competing for the most swings without making contact this season. Loser should buy every Royals fan a 12-pack. I will take Newcastle Brown Ale…
• Kevin Seitzer. The Royals used to hit home runs when he was their hitting coach. Then he was fired. They have not hit any home runs since. And even though I am exaggerating for effect, it really does feel like they have not hit any since then, and I am guessing the reason why is because Seitzer put a curse on the Royals. You jerk.

And it looks like the Royals are going to lose so I will wrap this post up. I am going to make banana bread and cry myself to sleep. And even though I am just exaggerating for effect, I might just do that…