Championship-deprived :(

I grew up in Blue Springs, Missouri. A town of 50,000 located in the eastern shadow of Kauffman and Arrowhead Stadiums in Kansas City. A great little suburb that gave birth to American Idol winner David Cook. Full of family values and several high school state championships. In fact, one of my favorite memories is watching the 1996 Blue Springs High School soccer team become the first non-St. Louis-area team win the Missouri High School Soccer championship. I get chills just thinking about Ari Rodopulous and Sam Murphy and Mark Shaver…whew! If you were at the playoff game at Rockhurst High School you know what I’m talking about…

Not to give you my entire life history, but I grew up a Kansas State University fan as my dad and his dad attended school there. I always enjoyed watching the Missouri Tigers as a child and I have forever hated the Kansas University Jayhawks. I attended UMKC and Missouri Western State University during my undergraduate years, then earned my Master’s degree at Kansas State (partly to honor my dad who had passed away 3 years before I went there), then obtained my PhD at the University of Iowa and completed my first year of postdoctoral training at Texas Tech University. The end result of all this is that I have many colleges and teams to root for. You might say I have cast as wide a net as possible in hopes of being able to cheer for a champion. A national champion or professional sports champion. Well let me tell you that despite the wideness of my net, I have very few championships at all. AND I DON’T LIKE IT. I thought I would dig a little into my colleges and team’s histories and report their last championships and any notable occurrences so everyone can see how Championship-deprived I am:

I will start with my Kansas City Chiefs, who have the best tailgating in the WORLD without contest:

Last championship: 1970. I was not alive.

Last playoff win: 1993. An entire generation has been born since their last playoff win. WTF

Current record: 0-2. They are not very good.

Most hated opponents: Denver Broncos, Indianapolis Colts, San Diego Chargers, Papa John’s pizza.

Next up, the team that will probably give me a heart attack one day: the Kansas City Royals:

Last championship: 1985. I was 3 years old. I hope I had a celebratory poop the night that the Royals won their first and only championship.

Last playoff win: 1985. 29 freaking years of futility. Don’t get me started or I will go on forever about the BS Royals’ fans have had to endure…

Current record: 83-69. They MIGHT make the playoffs for the first time in almost 3 decades.

Most hated opponents: Detroit Tigers, Cleveland Indians, Chicago White Sox, Detroit Red Wings. You might ask, why are the NHL’s Detroit Red Wings one of the Royals’ most hated opponents? The answer is that during the Royals’ miserable 29-year playoff drought, the stupid Red Wings from the crappiest city alive have made the playoffs 23 straight years. F*** you Red Wings.

Kansas State University:

Last Championship: 2012. That year the Wildcats won the Big 12 in football, basketball (F*** you KU) and baseball. Everyone can suck it. K-State has never won a national championship in those sports though… L

Last playoff win: K-State football beat the crap out of Michigan in the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl in 2013. K-State basketball lost to Kentucky in the first round of the 2014 NCAA tourney. K-State baseball was crap last year.

Current record: K-State football is 2-1 after beating themselves against Auburn two days ago. Auburn did not win. K-State beat themselves. It was awful and that is all I will say. They will not be making the CFB playoffs or a January bowl game.

Most hated opponents: Kansas University Chickenhawks

Iowa Hawkeyes:

Last championship: The UI football team won the Big Ten in 2004. I did not attend UI until 2009 so I did not care about them in 2004. They won the National championship in 1958.

Last playoff win: I am not even going to bother looking this up because since their 2010 Orange Bowl win, they have been utterly crap.

Current record: 2-1. As I write this, the Hawkeyes are losing 20-17 to Pittsburgh. Neither team is ranked and the Hawkeyes only loss was to Iowa State who is TERRIBLE. So this season will clearly be a waste.

Most hated opponents: Iowa State Cyclones, Michigan Wolverines, Wisconsin Badgers

Missouri Tigers:

Not feeling like looking them up.

Texas Tech Red Raiders:

Not feeling like looking them up either. 

As you can see, I am incredibly Championship-deprived. With the exception of Sporting Kansas City/Kansas City Wizards who have won 3 total championships since 2000 ( I did not include them here because none of my friends like soccer – those friends are aholes), I have no national or professional championships that I can remember. None of my current teams will win a championship any time soon so I think it is time to start becoming a fair-weather fan for every good team. I think I will root for the Seattle Seahawks, the University of Oregon and the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or whatever their name is…