Chicken soup for the playoff-deprived soul

(disclaimer: all text in caps should be read in a loud voice)

Ever have a nagging sickness drag you down? Put you out of commission? Make you feel like time was crawling along at a snail’s pace.

Well I have the remedy for you. It is simple. MAKE THE PLAYOFFS.

Have marital problems? MAKE THE PLAYOFFS.

Have an annoying canker sore? MAKE THE PLAYOFFS.

Is your car unreliable and refuses to start when you HAVE to present your latest budget proposal? You guessed it: MAKE THE PLAYOFFS.

Who cares about debt when you’re in the playoffs? Who needs counseling when you have clinched a berth in the postseason? What city cares about football when its baseball team is competing for a WORLD SERIES TITLE?

After 29 fruitless years, the KC Royals clinched a spot in the 2014 MLB playoffs and IT SOLVED EVERYTHING. Last night, there was not a single problem in the world. September 26, 2014 will forever be an important day for Royals fans. Their fanhood became legitimate. The Toronto Blue Jays now have the longest playoff drought in major professional sports. We all know their pain AND IT FEELS SO GOOD NOW THAT OUR PAIN IS GONE.

Kansas City is thriving – all three major sports teams made the playoffs in 2013-2014, with Sporting KC winning it all last year in the MLS and looking like they will make another postseason run (despite that awful loss last night). The Chiefs are deeper than ever thanks to head coach Andy Reid and GM John Dorsey and should be primed for multiple years in the playoffs, especially when Peyton Manning retires or is injured again. And those Royals…boy, it chokes me up.

Hos and Salvy hug after the Royals clinched a playoff berth

It took GM Dayton Moore 8 years, and the rest of the Royals 29 years, to get there. A turtle’s pace, but Moore did it:

Since 1985, people have lived and died, married and divorced, became doctors and lawyers, and four new presidents have been elected. Wars, terrorism, school shootings, and Lady Gaga have all taken over the world during the time the Royals have not been in the playoffs.

I really didn’t think I would cry. I thought I was tough enough and manly enough to hold it in, a GRITTY adult who had lived through 29 years of hard times. Men don't cry when their teams win a baseball game. But no one knows how much toll 29 years of hard times will do to their emotions, and for me, those emotions came out last night. Maybe I was drunk. Maybe it was just time to let it out. If my wife reads this and says anything, I can always deny it and keep my manhood intact. “You were sleeping, so what do you know?!” Either way, the KANSAS CITY ROYALS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS. Go celebrate KC, you beautiful city. #GreatestDayEver