Please forgive me. Last night, I did something wrong and hope that you can look past my transgression and continue to dominate the Royals' MLB opponents. Especially the stupid Houston Astros, who only had 1300 fans in attendance last night, which is far too few people witnessing the greatness of your right arm, even if they are fairweather Lastros fans.
Please forgive me because last night, I doubted you. Not at first though. WIth the Royals leading 3-2 in the bottom of the ninth inning, I felt the game was over. "The Astros have no chance," I said. You struck out Evan Gattis and I knew the game was over. Then Luis Valbuena came to the plate and worked a full count and I knew you would get strikeout #2, but instead of swinging at your nasty cutter like everyone else does, he took the pitch and took a base.
Please forgive me because that made me slightly worried. Jason Castro was coming to bat next, and as a left-handed hitter who can mash the ball easily out of the park because the Astros decided to install the shortest right field I have ever seen since my days playing coach's pitch as a 7-year old, I started to doubt your ability to finish this game. Castro ran up a full count and also walked, putting two runners on with only 1 out.
Please forgive me, but I started to doubt you. Jose Altuve, who leads the MLB in hits since 2013 and is only 4'3", therefore giving him the smallest and hardest to find strike zone in the league, was batting next. I just knew he would ruin my night by poking a single through the infield, allowing Jake Marisnick, the speedy outfielder who was running for Valbuena, to score and tie the game. Altuve battled to a full count after you threw two balls that would normally be strikes on any other batter, but were too high for that little midget. Then you got him to fly out to shallow right field and Marisnick wasn't able to tag up and take third base. Still, I doubted you, as George Springer, whose arms look like Barry Bonds in his steroid prime, was coming to plate and in my mind, I was already conceding to the fact that he would win the game with a double or even worse, a 3-run homer in tiny Minute Maid Park that would energize all 1300 fans in attendance.
Please forgive me, because you ran up another full count on Springer and had thrown 32 pitches which is very high since you normally mow down hitters in the minimum required for a strikeout, In fact, I bet you could find a way to strike out batters on just one pitch, which would be incredibly efficient and is something a cyborg would do. Anyway, Spring had a full count with 2 runners on and 2 outs and I thought he might send the Astros home with a walk off then you absolutely froze him on a nasty pitch that struck him out while he looked on and iced the game and sent 1300 people (from a metropolitan area of 6 million) home with no joy in their hearts, just another group of victims in the Wade Davis Experience. I would not want even my greatest enemy to face you in the batter's box. Look at you walking off the mound before the umpire even called a strike and Springer thought he walked earned a base on balls, and you don't look at strikeouts:
Forever Royal,
@mattfromkc
p.s. I realize it is hyperbole when I say that Houston had 1300 fans in attendance last night. The real number was 1200. I apologize for being so dramatic.
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