Suspensions galore

This past weekend was rough for the Royals. Friday’s game against the White Sox was delayed by rain, and then Saturday’s was suspended. The Royals ended up losing the delayed game, and then lost their regularly scheduled game on Sunday. In addition, the MLB handed out suspensions to the Royals like they were Halloween candy. No, they were giving them out like Oprah:

 Yordano Ventura received a 7-game suspension, Edinson Volquez received a 5-game suspension, and Lorenzo Cain and Kelvin Herrera received 2-game suspensions. The White Sox, who were the ones who started last Thursday’s fracas, only received two 5-game suspensions. The MLB is sending a clear signal that it is perfectly okay to bean the other team and get into fights, as long as you do it first. Idiots. The MLB is becoming a corporate version of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

This whole charade has got me up in fumes, and if I was the MLB commissioner, after reviewing the evidence, here are the punishments I would have doled out:

White Sox outfielder Adam Eaton: 162 game-suspension for being a little douche and starting the whole thing.

White Sox pitcher Chris Sale: 1,620 game suspension for trying to fight Yordano Ventura AFTER SALE WAS ALREADY EJECTED. A lesser suspension is sending the message to children around the world that it is ok to be violent for no reason, just like drug cartels. Chicago = savage. 

White Sox pitcher Jeff Samardzija: 16,200 game suspension for attacking Royals 3rd base coach Mike Jirschele, who is 56 years old, and smushing his face into the dirt at US Cellular field (pic below). Additionally, Samardzija gets a lifetime ban from MLB activities for his role in plunking Lorenzo Cain with a pitch on Opening Day, right after Mike Moustakas hit a home run, WHICH WAS CLEARLY INTENTIONAL. Samardzija would also be forced to cut his disgusting hair.

White Sox fans: 1 million game suspension because they were chanting “Royals Suck” this past weekend and thus they are complete ignoramuses. THEY ARE THE DEFENDING AMERICAN LEAGUE CHAMPIONS, YOU MORONS. The White Sox have the 4th-worst attendance in the league and barely deserve a team.

I would give the Royals 0 suspensions because they are clearly not at fault whatsoever and the MLB should do everything in its power to protect the Reigning AL Champions. And it's not like Yordano Ventura said anything to Adam Eaton that you can't already hear on the Disney channel...

The Royals play the Indians and Tigers this week. Should be a tough week but I believe the Royals will be fine, despite having half their team either: 1) suspended, or 2) dealing with injuries suffered as a result of being hit by a pitch.