KC > Oakland

Let me recap last night’s Royals game for all of you who had something better to do:

Inning 1: Nothing happened

Inning 2: Nothing happened

Inning 3: Nothing happened

Inning 4: Nothing happened

Inning 5: Raul Ibanez, who is 105 years old*, pulled a solo dinger over the right field fence and broke his record as the oldest Royal to ever hit a home run.

Inning 6: Nothing happened

Inning 7: Nothing happened

Inning 8: Nothing happened**

Inning 9: Nothing happened***

*He is really only 92 years old and 59 days, I was exaggerating for effect.

**Nothing happened; however, WADE DAVIS WAS PISSED OFF AFTER GIVING UP HIS FIRST EXTRA BASE HIT OF THE SEASON TWO NIGHTS AGO TO THE STINKING TWINS AND HE DECIDED TO TAKE HIS ANGER OUT ON THE A’S. They were helpless. He had two strikeouts, as usual. IF YOUR TEAM IS LOSING TO THE ROYALS BY 3 RUNS OR LESS AND IT IS THE EIGHTH INNING, YOU HAVE AUTOMATICALLY LOST.  Davis’ ERA is 0.95 and he has only allowed 5 earned runs ALL YEAR, which is basically zero. The Tigers have basically the worst bullpen ever, so suck it Detroit.

*** Nothing happened except former Royal Alberto Callaspo struck out hilariously to end the game because GREG HOLLAND.

Some other notes about the game:

Oakland is the MLB’s best team and they gut SHUTOUT at home by the MEDIOCRE Royals. Everyone go have a beer. Then send some mean emails to Raiders fans letting them know that JAMAAL CHARLES IS HUNGRY and wants to score 14 touchdowns against them. That should ruin their weekend.

This was the eighth shutout of the year for KC. That ranks tied for #12 in baseball. Not bad, not bad.

This was the third straight game that Wade Davis and Greg Holland pitched, largely due to the fact that the Royals offense cannot score more than 1 or 2 runs per game. I was surprised that Ned Yost called for Davis to pitch, but it paid off BECAUSE NO ONE CANNOT HIT OFF OF WADE DAVIS. Or Greg Holland.

The Royals have won 8 of the last 10, after losing 4 straight following the All-Star game. Detroit on the other hand, who just signed Joakim Soria AND David Price, have lost 6 of their past 10. Suck it you turds.

The newly acquired Jon Lester, who looks like the creepy King Herod in Mel Gibson’s The Passion, is set to make his debut for Oakland tonight. Dear baseball gods, PLEASE let the Royals bats wake up and make Lester look as foolish as King Herod.