Blankmen

In 1994, the cult film classic Blankman, starring Damon Wayans as a nerdy superhero came out in theaters. The movie is great, not only because of Wayans, but also because it is full of dorky 90s fashion and hilarious costumes (it also has a pretty sweet soundtrack for those of you who like 90s R&B and hip-hop). The basic premise of the movie is that Darryl (Wayans) is a man-child and inventor and he finds a way to make his clothes bulletproof. Subsequently, he becomes a crimefighter, ultimately saving the city and winning the girl of his dreams. 

Even though the movie technically has nothing to do with the Kansas City Royals, it actually serves as a great analogy for this season’s ballclub. 

First of all, akin to dorky Darryl in Blankman, the Royals are perennial losers and have a penchant for being an underdog. Blankman has no superpowers and equally, the Royals do not have any “superstars” or leading vote-getters for the MLB All-Star game. 

Secondly, while Blankman invents bulletproof clothing, the 2014 Royals find ways to “run-proof” their games, by which I mean their pitching and defense are so good that other teams struggle to score on them. They don’t need bulletproof uniforms when they have Alcides Escobar acting like a levee at shortstop. They don’t even need Escobar when Wade Davis and Greg Holland combine to strike out 108 batters in ONLY 69.1 INNINGS. WHY DOES ANYONE EVEN TRY TO BAT AGAINST THEM???

Third, Blankman’s goal is to fight evil criminals, save his city, and win the girl he loves. The Royals’ goal is to fight the evil Tigers, save as much respect for Kansas City as possible, and win the World Series make the playoffs. Blankman was successful SO THERE IS HOPE FOR THE ROYALS!

Last and most obviously, the title of the movie could EASILY describe Danny Duffy, Jason Vargas, Greg Holland, Wade Davis, Kelvin Herrera, and Yordano Ventura. As I mentioned here, Vargas and Duffy have the lowest ERA’s on the road in the American League, and it is so rare that Holland/Davis/Herrera give up a run that it is actually news when one of them does. The Royals blanked the Twins yesterday 4-0, and currently rank #15 in the MLB with 6 shutouts on the season. 

If you have not seen Blankman, you need to go and do so before the Royals take on the Cleveland Indians this weekend. It might even inspire you to wear some comical-looking long underwear and dress up as a superhero with no powers. Who knows, it might help the team win. And you can't look any more comical than this: